mishakoalins:

A default ring tone is heard. 100 moms look at their purses.


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689,714 notes   -   Posted 9 years ago

fivestupidboys:

having a really good joke but executing it poorly

image


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500,896 notes   -   Posted 9 years ago

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foralemondrop:

Hello, good sir. I will be auditioning for the part of Ron Swanson. I will not be singing because that is a waste of time. Instead, I will be handcrafting a chair from this fine piece of cedar. If I were to sing, however, it would be a heartwrenching rendition of a song that I wrote. It is called “Silence.” It has no words and no music. Thank you. I will proceed now.


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106,091 notes   -   Posted 9 years ago

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1,158,435 notes   -   Posted 9 years ago

the signs as Parks and Rec quotes
  • Aries: Jogging is the worst! I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?
  • Taurus: Oh, my God. These dogs are so cute. I WANT TO THROW UP AND KILL MYSELF.
  • Gemini: I think that Comic Sans always screams 'fun'.
  • Cancer: I don't even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it's gonna bug me if I don't.
  • Leo: I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I'm doing it really, really well.
  • Virgo: Everything in my life is going wrong right now. Whose fault is this? I demand to know.
  • Libra: I'm not interested in caring about people.
  • Scorpio: Ugh. I hate talking to people about things. This is a nightmare.
  • Sagittarius: No, no. That's too much responsibility for me. I gotta— I gotta find a way out of this.
  • Capricorn: Yes. I am a hunter, and it's 'You' season.
  • Aquarius: My anxiety has kept me up for over fifty hours.
  • Pisces: I'm hungry and my legs are tired. It feels like I just exercised!
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97,048 notes   -   Posted 9 years ago

acronicta:

me: *daydreams about crush in a completely ridiculous scenario that will never happen*

crush: *says something in daydream*

me: no wait they wouldnt stay that, that’s unrealistic

me: im starting over


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220,660 notes   -   Posted 9 years ago

bluewaffleez:

when yo momma call u for dinner and its not even ready

image

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301,751 notes   -   Posted 9 years ago

pishposhspice:

my roommate is 2 days younger than me so i’ve gotten into the habit of saying “when i was your age..” and then describing what i did 2 days ago


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618,216 notes   -   Posted 9 years ago

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