A default ring tone is heard. 100 moms look at their purses.
having a really good joke but executing it poorly
Hello, good sir. I will be auditioning for the part of Ron Swanson. I will not be singing because that is a waste of time. Instead, I will be handcrafting a chair from this fine piece of cedar. If I were to sing, however, it would be a heartwrenching rendition of a song that I wrote. It is called “Silence.” It has no words and no music. Thank you. I will proceed now.
- Aries: Jogging is the worst! I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?
- Taurus: Oh, my God. These dogs are so cute. I WANT TO THROW UP AND KILL MYSELF.
- Gemini: I think that Comic Sans always screams 'fun'.
- Cancer: I don't even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it's gonna bug me if I don't.
- Leo: I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I'm doing it really, really well.
- Virgo: Everything in my life is going wrong right now. Whose fault is this? I demand to know.
- Libra: I'm not interested in caring about people.
- Scorpio: Ugh. I hate talking to people about things. This is a nightmare.
- Sagittarius: No, no. That's too much responsibility for me. I gotta— I gotta find a way out of this.
- Capricorn: Yes. I am a hunter, and it's 'You' season.
- Aquarius: My anxiety has kept me up for over fifty hours.
- Pisces: I'm hungry and my legs are tired. It feels like I just exercised!
me: *daydreams about crush in a completely ridiculous scenario that will never happen*
crush: *says something in daydream*
me: no wait they wouldnt stay that, that’s unrealistic
me: im starting over
when yo momma call u for dinner and its not even ready
my roommate is 2 days younger than me so i’ve gotten into the habit of saying “when i was your age..” and then describing what i did 2 days ago